Another Whole New Semester

These days I'm just thankful that I am still living
and that I didn't kill myself as I was planning to when I was
seriously into depression. Thank God!!
You don't even know how many times I held that knife and put it back..

These days I'm coming back to normal..
Over the whole drama with my Ex-boyfriend thingy
and the whole revenge that I have planned with my small evil mind
Whatever. I just want everyone to be happy

I don't know if any of you will believe but I'm trying my best to be a bit nice.
I try not to say much bad words as possible and I try a lot to be nice to many people..
I know that sounds like not me but I am really trying

Enough drama..seriously I think it's not even good for my health..
I think I'm becoming more healthier compared to the last time..
Last semester I really felt sick and fucked up
I screwed up a lot. I smoked and I did a lot of things that fucked me up
after all that shit I became a healthy person.. ( I think..)

I came to a realization that I only have 4 monthes left..
and that just makes me sick to my stomach.
I really want to leave this place and get a slight taste of freedom
but at the same time it's really scary because I easily get homesick..
I constantly want to come back to where I belong..
I try so hard to adapt and yet I just can't let go the place I was born and raised.
I mean I do adapt to the enviornment but at the back of my mind
I have a strong desire to come back..and it misses my hometown..
I don't even know where all the "I won't come back after I leave this place"

I am thankful for little things and I am happy that I am with people I love so much
I am also thankful that I learned another valuable lesson from
all that crap that I had to go through..
I learned a lot and I became a stronger person.
It created another whole new me that I need
in order to live through out this harsh world.

my foremost goal for this semester is getting all A's
Forget about making boyfriend shit..
I am through that... (Eun Ji thinks I am Bi...WTF)
anyhow I just don't want to screw up my last semester
I have to succeed...I don't want to be a loser again...
I don't want to be a loser to someone who is a bigger loser than me
I have put too much attention into.....
Someone who doesn't deserve my attention
Someone who is a total failure
Someone who is more f-ed up than me
Someone who has no proper thinking devise
(or maybe it doesn't function well..either way..)
Someone who is immature
Someone who acts like my dog Banny

Done with it...
and I don't need another wierd semester..
I am through messing with my mind



Song I have been listening to these days
"Stop this train" by John Mayer