All I want for Christmas is....

Every day is so busy
and everywhere I go, I feel the Christmas spirit
The lights, couples everywhere, Christmas ornaments and trees etc.
Well, it was actually yesterday when I visited my profolio academy
everything all changed. It wasn't the same place that I was in this Summer
the atmosphere, a lot of new people, and unexpected news

Yesterday I learned a new fact:
This guy in my academy that I was super close
that I even called him "my daddy(ahppa)" was going out with
this unni that I admired! (because of her artworks)

and also this guy in my academy that I called uncle
(actually my friend Robbin's ahppa..or that's what she calls him)
he also has a girl friend!!

I was like...I did miss a lot didn't I?....
and they were like
"Uh-huh, you miss out alot!"
they all welcomed me especially tae yoon oppa
He's one of the guys that I would
have dated if he was little bit younger.
And yes, he has a girlfriend..this unni that I really really like.
She's my fashion icon. She is a really really good dresser

These days, I'm in my depression mood
well there nothing that's really making this happen
since nothing really depressing happend to me recently
and also I have nothing to depress about..but I am still depressed
I don't know why so don't ask

I don't even feel like shopping anymore and
it's nolonger my joy...but these days
my grandma's keep on telling me to
buy more clothes...I really don't know why...
just can't understand..
so today I did buy some new clothes
in really really cheap price.
It should really make me happy,
since I am a true shop-a-holic
but it just won't cheer me up.
I have realized that I have changed
my joy into something different
I feel the same joy that I felt when
I bought clothes when I watch movies.
I don't know why but when I go to the movie theaters
and watch movies, (whether it's by myself or with someone)
I feel comfortable and relaxed. I feel like gaining back
my piece of heaven back

I'm happy that I gained it back but I'm starting to worry
that I might end up being illogical, dreamy, and imaginary
I mean what if I end up drifting apart from the real world
and live in my own imagination...? (cuz after watching movies
I started to imagine and day dream a lot)
It's sometimes hard to tell that the world we live in is either
a Reality or a Dream...

I really really believe that for this Christmas
I need a new boyfriend or something...
I just need someone next to me so that I won't be bored
I think I need attention and love
I think I just need a new boyfriend just to get the old one
out of my heart-a place where he nolonger and should never belong
because he doesn't deserve it at all.
I mean I can get all that love from family and friends but
I just need someone that I can love.
Someone that I can replace the old one and start loving..
Just by looking at me these days...I feel lonely even when I'm with people
I can feel the emptiness in my heart that is cold and numb

I think I can live without it but
I'm not that strong as everyone think I am
I need a strong man beside me who can hold me tight
I think that's what I need for this Christmas :)