Changsta and Me

I was looking through some songs this weekend..
I realized that I have lost a lot of songs this month
I don't know what happened to all of them after I downloaded them
I have to re-download them..shit...really really lazy

When I was making a list of songs
that I have to download again,
it reminded me of my brother Changsta
(at least that what all my friends call him.
His friends call him...hmm..Hi-C...)
He use to provide me with the latest
hip hop songs when I was in Saipan
I never knew his importance until now..
I guess I just took a lot of things for granted

I miss Saipan. :S
I don't even know how I'm gonna survive college cuz
I get homesick easily...
Seeing Ayaka and Mina do it, it reallly suprises me

These days I'm not even sure if I really want to draw anymore
I mean I do want to go to college and live my life glamorously
as I have planned out but it's just a huge painstaking process
I just need more dedication ! I really do!
What happened to the Masochist me? What happened to the painlover?
Why am I always procrastinating?
Why is my mind filled with empty thoughts?

I miss my friends,family, and Saipan's warm food
I miss my car, my house, and my room
I know, I'm stupid..I know
I know for sure that I will try my best to resist all this shit
and try to finish everything as soon as possible but
I just feel lazy. Maybe I should watch that movie, Alvin and the Chipmunks
I really really want to watch that movie. Need some of Alvin's funkyness

Vianka I miss you so much !
and Oh, by the way don't worry about me
I know your dead worry but nothing to worry about
I think this is another phase
and I think I'm getting all mushy and Emo cuz I see couples everywhere
(not a good view to watch especially when it's cold. And I'm a
really sensitive person, you know)
But then, other than that I'm fine!
I need to send ayaka and you presents but I'm trying to figure out
how to save money...............URGH..
but anyhow I think I'm doing fine
It's just that I didn't find the right therapist yet to tell him/her
all my secrets.....
(it's just that I don't trust people who don't know me..I guess)

Ah, winter's cold breeze...
I wish it all went away...